Steve on geothermal heating - "Your back-up system is like a toaster on steroids."
Librarian on what I ought to do - "You should write a book on parenting."
T. on sadness - "I took my sadness and flung it to Antarctica and Jack the penguin ate it."
Passerby on T.'s cough - "Your kid has croup." (Thank you very much, Dr. Moron)