Loss

Today my grandmother died.  She was 97.  I was at home with my girls and watching a friend's daughter when I got the call.  Within minutes of hanging up with my mom, my friend returned from her appointment to pick up her daughter.  Immediately I told her of the call I just received.  Luckily she was there to give me a nice warm hug.  She stay at the house for a few minutes while I walked and I cried.

Gram has been in poor health for a long time.  On most of my visits with her at the nursing home, I don't think she even recognized me.  Some days she'd be quite agitated and some days she'd be calm and quiet.  Last week my Mom reported that Gram was vomiting and in pain.  It was decided that there was not much to do for my Gram except to give her some pain medicine.  She could not handle tests to find out what was causing her discomfort. 

My Mom called me on Monday and said that Gram had asked my uncle "not to leave her alone".  He spent most of the morning by her side there at the nursing home and Mom decided to go up and take his place.  I drove up to join her.  When I saw Gram, I leaned up, kissed her and said "it's Beth".  For some reason I felt like she knew who I was.  Later I learned that earlier that day my uncle held a photo for Gram and she had correctly identified the names of her children on a photograph - all 12 of them!  

While there Gram kept repeating over and over again 'Jesus loves me, Jesus love me' - sort of creepy.  She threw up blood while we were there and then kept saying 'why does this keep happening to me?'  - sort of gross.  But what I'll remember is how I sat by her side and held her hand.  She looked into my eyes and at one point, when I pulled my hand away, she reached out to grab hold of it again.  She wanted me there and you better believe I wanted her there.  I will miss Gram.